Defiant vs. Overruled in Dysfunctional Families and Dysfunctional Governments. How Language Affects Our Understanding of Power and Selfhood

Photo by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash

Let’s look at the difference between defiant and overruled. When we talk about children going against their parents, we often use the words “defiant, disobedient,” and “rebel.” We don’t use words such as “overrule, revoke, nullify, override,” or “recall.” And we SHOULD. There’s a fine distinction between the two camps.

Defiance or rebel implies that power and authority is outside of oneself. That one is going against something that has power over oneself. Words such as overrule, revoke, or nullify implies that power and authority is within oneself. That one has the ability to take back power if the other party abuses or misuse their power. It gives children authority over themselves rather than under the authority of someone else. If we say a child has “overruled her parent’s decision,” it has a completely different meaning than “she’s rebelling against her parents.” She’s not going against anyone. She has the right to choose for herself, and she’s the ultimate judge in her own life. It implies that the power to choose is within herself, not outside of herself.

This vocabulary difference is extremely important in abusive and dysfunctional families, where parents refuse to give or pass on…